When Cornered, Confuse

Is any one still reading?

2007-07-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

No one seems to be writing ;)

Another change of seasons

2007-03-17T10:57:00.000-07:00

Dullbert's blog has been really dull. A combination of factors including but not limited to
1. Lack of interesting things to say
2. Lack of time
3. Work Pressure
4. Exhaustion- after navigating through painful Bangalore traffic

Life has whizzed by. Past few months have been amazing. Work has been significantly better. Writing requirements for products has been interesting and online personal finance is an interesting domain. Bangalore weather is way better than hot Chennai.

What I've really missed though is the company of some awesome friends that I had in Chennai at work and outside- Pucci, Bell, Ram, The Old Fart, Kumar, Sid, Ruks, Arun,.. the sessions of time pass at the tea shop, besant nagar beach.. It's somehow not the same. My word-play skills have significantly dropped and I'm possibly no longer as much fun to be around with as I once was ;) It never is the same. But no complaints -The biggest plus from moving to Bangalore has been quality time with K :) Well, at least from Aug- December, and then work become really hectic.

And anyways, every one is getting married. The Pucci is married and we've been told by his better half not to call him Pucci. Hell with it. Old habits die hard ;)

And now, in a weeks time, I'm finally taking the plunge.

This marks the end of my bachelorhood. Maybe it's a good time to end this blog too. If it hasn't ended already.

A change of seasons..

2006-08-02T12:10:00.000-07:00

"Work Life balance" is a very interesting term. It seems to imply, that balance is required between work and life- thereby hinting that, you might not have a life at work. A typical Indian MBA graduate, enters the corporate world with high hopes.
He sees some of his classmates strike it big. Some go to the top investment banks. Some to the top consulting companies. Some to the top FMCG companies. Some to the top IT companies. The typical MBA grad wants to have a lot of money - there's that educational loan to pay off- there's that house to buy, and hey, now that he's an executive-he needs a cool car, which implies more EMIs. He pays a fortune in income tax, and and he soon realizes, that what he actually requires, is a raise.

And in the meanwhile, work isn't too interesting. In the top IT services company, he's part of the pre sales proposal factory. He does opportunity analysis accountwise, because the top management wants its account owners to do the same periodically. The account owners do what they would have done - in the absence of the analysis. But the task is done. Top management is happy- the account owner is happy. The MBA isn't...

Meanwhile the investment banker finds, that he's basically doing a lot of legwork - building crazy models, to support decisions that have already been taken, pricing models to suit pre-decided prices...The consultant finds that clients hire them, so that they can claim that XXX consultants recommended this course of action..

The one thing common to all, is an overdose of word, excel and ppt... which results in boredom, frustration and high first job attrition rates.

Finally, after beating the average IIM grad's first job lifetime by a significant margin (maybe cos I didn't have the ed.loan, neither the car, nor the house), I am moving too. This time, I think, I have found what I want to do.

Afer Configuration Modelling, leaving configuration modelling at a mind boggling salary for Documentum at a pittance, Leaving Documentum to go get an MBA to get the salary that Configuration Modelling promised but Documentum couldn't match, after a BA stint in IT services, I'm moving to Products. A move, adviced a year and a half ago, by a buddy's brother, whose career I realized I was stalking- {IIT M,Mandak, 1 yr in IT services, IIM C, with a bro 6 years younger who did CA...Vijay, Were there a few others?}

I think I've made the right decision- This gives me a foot in the door into Product Management, a chance to write requirements "first hand". The domain and the company seems very interesting, the salary is better, and on the personal front, moving to Bangalore will result in a happy ending to a three year long distance romance and the addition of quite a few pounds to the life side of my work life balance scale.

And interestingly, I'm still stalking that career :) with a stint in IT services followed by a move to the same company whose India operations my buddy's bro set up.

What really matters, the role or the dole

2006-06-10T21:49:00.000-07:00

This is that time of the year when companies complete their ith Up-Raisals. This is usually a zero-sum game of one-up-manship between the employer and the employees.

Many companies have bizzare appraisal processes. Some companies claim to have "transparent" processes, but like most most teasers in Delhi Malls, there's usually a slip between the cup and the hip.

Any ways, the Dullbert funda of choosing the best job, is a simple Analytical Hierarchy Process.. a job should give you:

- Interesting work
- Work Life balance
- Lots of money

Now, if you have 100 points, rate how important each parameter is to you. Then, given two companies, score them, on the 3 parameters, compute a weighted score and decide which one is best for you.

image source: http://www.funny.szm.sk/Animal/Up%20yours.jpg

shiT-SHIrT

2006-05-26T16:23:00.000-07:00

More Dullbertisms

2006-04-29T18:00:00.000-07:00

What's Dulberts theory of the whoring IT worker?
~Most jobs suck, so always pick the one which gives the most buck for the least bang.

Why does Dullbert like the simplex method?
~It gives him an ORgasm.

What did Dullbert do in his meeting.
~He came, he slept, he concurred.

Dullbertisms

2006-04-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

* The job of most Analysts stinks, because Analysts work on the back end.
* The output of most types of Analysis is a Fart
* Behind every successful man is a fat ass and a lot of hot air
* The world can be divided into two mutually exclusive but collectively exhaustive sets: the overt perverts, and the covert perverts.
* If you dont know, which of the above two you belong to, then you belong to the latter
* A bird in the hand is worth more than a bang in the bush
* India has population explosion, Amsterdam has copulation explosion

Dung De Basanti

2006-03-27T07:09:00.001-08:00

photo from http://www.ellykellner.photosite.com/~photos/tn/2461_1024.ts1118955625532.jpg

Chota bug bada bug

2006-03-24T08:08:00.000-08:00

Dullbert: Hey Ra-ra, wot's the scene on the current build? The QA folks were asking me if they'd be able to test the search functionality as planned on Monday.
Ra-ra: Shrugs, I don't think we want them to test this on Monday. In fact from a QA point of view, I don't think we should be making a QA drop.
Dullbert: (Quizzically) Why is that?
Ra-ra: (Sneers)Well, if we dont make a drop, then there is only one bug, there is no search functionality. But if we do make the drop, we're opening a pandora's box. All the bugs are going to come out and screw our happiness. Next week, we have a long weekend. Nice try only.

DBA- Dullbert The bored business analyst

2006-03-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

"Anal"ysts in the IT industry are expected to generate a lot of Farts- For example pricing an engagement with no data whatsoever or generating case studies illustrating experience out of thin air. But they are not the only ones. Some times HR farts, and farts loud. When HR farts, the vibrations traverse deep down the organization.

Inspired by all the Farting, going on in the industry, I'm considering starting a toon series on this blog
* DBA - dullbert - the bored business analyst
* Gasbert- His flatulent boss
* Gassius - the evil Project manager who is full of hot air
* Flatula - Fart Detecting device. Every time some one Farts, it beeps and issues a Fart Alert. In meetings, the device automatically goes into Vibrator mode. This device is the property of Dullbert and is an endless source of amusement to him in otherwise extremely boring meetings.
* Fartbox- the office meeting room
* Aaron Wind - the BA who thinks he is a PM
* Ra Ra - The lady programmer from Andhra.
* Bean Bag - Every manager's source of energy. You sit in a bean bag, and your fart capacity is replenished.Needless to stay,the fartbox has plenty of bean bags.

A wise man just said "Behind every successful man, is a fat ass and lot of hot air"

Note: The original image is from http://www.pacult.com/imgs/fart/tychonia.jpg

Copyright 42510 2006

The revenge of the Call Centre Parrots

2006-03-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

Calling call centres, I've found is not good for my health. Call centre employees seem to behave like trained parrots. Parrots trained by morons to say and do exactly the wrong things.
On multiple occasions, I've spoken to different call centre employees with exactly the same result- frustration.

Today I called Hutch customer care. I had a compaint number (yes!)- it's "139811076 ". I had raised a query a week back, and I was in a combative mood. I wanted to get a status update (sic)

Mr. X Hi this is (moron) from Hutch. How can I help you?
Me - Hi, I have a compaint number. Can I know the status please. The number is One thre..
Mr.X (interrupts)Sir, can I have your name please
Me. (sighs) Prasannaa, and my no is 98841 39957
Mr. X Mr. Prasannaa, Please confirm the number- nine double eight four one three double nine five sen
Me- yes. that's correct. and now my complaint number is...
Mr. X That wont be necessary sir. Please tell me what your problem is, and I can track it.
Me. (thinks- brilliant. trust a moron to find a way to touch his nose visiting his ass in the process).. This is a complaint made on Feb 26th - I was trying to do an sms recharge. I had subscribed for the same from the HDFC ATM. I got a pin. I got an sms that said to Recharge, I should type "RC HDFC AMT PIN" and send the SMS to 140. That I did dutifully. And I got a automated SMS saying " The message format is invalid. Please call 98860 98860 ". The said number is not a chennai number. Some moron hard coded a number there...

Mr. X - Can I please place you hold for a minute?
Me. In the meantime Recollects my exchange on the 26th.

**********************************************************************
...(similar painful exercise of customer verification)
... similar exercise of problem explanation
Mr. Y Sir - your SMS seems to be going to 1140. I think you've sent them to 1140 instead of 140. Can you please re-send. It will work.
Me. Okay thanks.
Mr. Y - (parrots) Thank you for calling Hutch. This is (Moron) here. Have a nice evening.
Me. Checks sms delivery receipt. It is from 140 not 1140.

...
...(similar painful exercise of customer verification)
... similar exercise of problem explanation to another officer
Mr. Y1 Sir - your SMS seems to be going to 1140. I think you've sent them to 1140 instead of 140. Can you please re-send. It will work.
Me. I just did that. I've sent it properly. Can you please check what's going on?
Mr. Y1 Sir- I am sure you have sent the SMS to 1140. Please resend.
Me. I have a delivery receipt from 140. I assure you, I am neither blind nor mad. Can you please take a compaint?!
Mr. Y1 - I'll take a complaint sir.
Me. And please give me the number as well!
Mr. Y1 - that wont be necessary.
Me. I insist. I would like to be able to track it, and not be required to explain the story to another person again.
Mr Y1- Grudingly gives me a number.
Mr. Y1 - (parrots) Thank you for calling Hutch. This is (Moron) here. Have a nice evening.
**********************************************************************

after 10 minutes

(moron) is back.
Mr X. Sir, there is no problem at our end. You need to go to the bank, register for sms recharge, and then..
Me. I've already done that, I've explained that in my complaint, I explained clearly what I did, and that, I got a pin code, a syntax, and if I send an sms it does not work.
Mr X. Sir, in that case you need to take a print out of your bank statement, and go to the hutch office.
Me. Exasperated - dude I'm not asking for a refund. I'm telling you the system does not work.
Mr X. Sir, there are 2 systems available, sms recharge and online recharge. (uses When cornered confuse)
Me. That is something I know. What I'm trying to say, is your systems dont work. Can you please take a complaint? Or re-open that one?
Mr X. Sir, that is a problem with the bank. I use citibank's service, I dont have any problem. You need to take this up with HDFC.
Me. this will make a nice blog entry.
Mr. X. - (parrots) Thank you ...
Me. Hangs up - I cant hear that bull shit again

More on call centre constipation to follow. Up next, my adventure with Airtel.

Mar-RiAGE

2006-02-25T04:35:00.000-08:00

The marriage season has started with a bang (no puns intended ;) ) A lot of people around me are getting married. A distant cousin who's incidentally younger to me got married last week. An uncle of mine, who's just 6 months elder to me - { a (sometimes) embarassing situation arising out of some forgiveable act of passion by my (then middle aged) great-grandparents, the statistical odds of occurence of which, were tremendously improved by the lack of awareness and availability of contraceptives in those days} is also in the market- his mother is apparently on a "bride hunt".

Another cousin of mine, this time, it's a lady, has apparently managed to enact with great success an elaborate charade of "arranging" her "love marriage". Of course the fact that she'd suitably found a match within the Iyengar community would have been the clincher. This idea seems quite appealing, and I'm considering using it as well. Apparently my parents used this strategy as well :)

Some how I find the term "marriage" quite disturbing. It reminds me of age and rage. Some times, I also think of Damage ($$). While any mention of "arranged marriage" which seems to create mental images of of some kind of organized atrocity. The term wedding - is a vast improvement, even though it still has "ding" in it.

Marriages in India, seem to be less about the couple involved and more about every one else. It's a matter of prestige to most. Not so long ago, and still, in some pockets, it's a matter of proclaiming to the public that this is my bride/groom, and if some one else has a conflicting claim, this is your chance to protest ( I'm not kidding - this apparently is the (possibly chief) purpose of the jaanwasaam - or the dulha riding the horse in public etc). Marriages present a window of opportunity for elders to socialize, to spot potential matches for eligible boys/girls, to gossip, to compare wordly success - grandeur of the wedding, guesstimates of amount spent, attire of close family, to compare - who's come to the wedding in a Ford Icon and who in a Maruti 800 and so on.

Marriages are also about horoscopes. Some horoscopes are bad - but there are usually solutions for most problems. Usually they involve spending money - some of which goes to the astrologer's kitty who then doubles up as a priest or brings a friend to perform corrective rites. Some problems are more severe- for e.g. a friend of mine knows a case where a groom's horoscope posed a severe threat to the first wife's life. To solve the problem, a Donkey's hand (paw?hoof?) was given in marriage to the groom following which the poor donkey was killed. (Hopefully the marriage was not consummated) Following this the original bride and the groom wedded and thus, the groom and his "second" wife could supposedly live happily ever after. I don't know about either the bride or the groom, but I'm sure the donkey had a bad horoscope.

A similar charade also exists in the case of "same gotra" marriages. Apparently being born in the Same Gotra renders two individuals siblings of some kind and hence sex between them would result in incest. Incest through marriage is normally not a concern when it occurs between uncle and neice or uncle's son and his cousin, but the gotra thing is a no-no. Hence, this problem is solved where the bride's father "gives away" his daughter to a friend/relative from another "gotra" who "adopts" the daughter as his, and then gives away the daughter in marriage to the same guy, from the (now different) gotra. Ingenious.

So much for destiny. I'm sure this could add an interesting twist to the free will Vs destiny debates, along with the other ingenious idea of having designer babies by cesarean to ensure astrologically optimal birth times.

Coming back to the subject of "arranged marriages" - I had a very interesting conversation with one of my clients - A Russian from Ukraine, now settled in the Bay Area (Side note- Some refer to the bay area as the Gay area). One day, he was particularly harried as his son refused to go to school and had to be taken forcibly - crying, spitting, scratching and biting. One topic led to another- when we moved from the pain of child rearing to the monotony of marriage - he told me- that one of his friends had told him that In India, most people's marriages were arranged by elders. He asked that friend if people entering into arranged marriages, were allowed "test drives" - and when his friend took it very seriously, apologized for the bad joke.

I laughed it off, and thought about it - and I remembered something else which I'd read online a firang asking a desi "How can you marry some one you don't like sleeping with". Interesting thoughts. I don't know if Indian society would reach that point 20-30-50 years from now. Probably it would. Is that right- I don't know. It probably is - as it would be a matter of personal choice.

To conclude, every society has traditions that are perplexing. My dad keeps saying, behind all rituals there is some logic. At some point of time, many rituals outlive their original causes - and hence today we think they are meaningless. A case in point - was not cutting nails after dark. It makes sense if you visualize a society without electricity and lights. But today most Tam grand-ma's would pitch a fit if they see you snipping your nails post sunset.

I'd tend to grudgingly agree with my dad. I like a lot of my traditions, I dislike a lot too - but I can live with them as that makes my family happy, and fighting against them is not something that gives me sufficient incentive to make them unhappy. So I look forward to my wedding, which is right now far off, but will most definitely be a traditional Tam Iyengar wedding with all the bells and whistles :) :) :)

Good cop - Bad Cop ?

2006-01-07T02:04:00.000-08:00

Some time around August 1998 , I brought my "Scooty" from Trichy to Chennai. That was the time, I was shifting from Hosteler to Day Sci at IIT M - and cycling from home to class, left me totally drenched with sweat. So, in one of those early days of chennai two wheeler riding, when I didn't know, that a traffic cop was more dangerous at the end of the month, than the beginning, when I didn't call a cop maama, when I still spoke fairly pure "iyer thamizh" (why is it iyer tamizh and not iyengar thamizh") , when I had a barely there almost-moustache, I was stopped by a typical fat sloppy greedy Chennai cop.

Cop.. License iruka
Me.. Iruku
Cop..Stretches hand
Me.. Shrugs and shows copy of license
Cop.. RC iruka
Me.. Shows dirty worn out xerox copy of RC Book
Cop .. Insurance iruka
Me.. Smirks, and shows insurance

Cop.. takes a minute, says, "Idu Trichy vehicle- No objection certificate iruka?"
Me.. (now in combative mode, and aware that cop is bull-shitting) adelaam thevai illa nu theriyum .. venum na case potuko..
______________________________________________________________
Dec 31 2005, I'm in San Francisco for New year's eve. A fireworks show is scheduled for midnight. My friend doesn't drink, I'm not particularly enthu either - but just for the heck I drop into a Chinese liquor store and pick up a can of "Old English Malt", and think I'll have just one drink for the day.

We head back on the road towards "The Embarcadero" for the fireworks show - when I decide to have the beer- I open my can, and walk back on Broadway - a popular, crowded street drinking from the can. We cross a cop, who's sitting on his bike talking to his friend. He sees us, and does a double take. I wonder why. We cross him -
Cop to his friend "Boy these guys must be incredibly bold, or incredibly crazy"
Me - turns and give him a quizzical look
Cop - (Realizes my ignorance ) "Dude- you're not allowed to drink beer out of a can in California. At least not unless you've one for the cop as well.
Me - Grins sheepishly and offers the beer to cop
Cop- Smiles, says no thanks- transfer it to a cup, like your friend
My friend- interrupts, hey no, this is just tea. Offers to finish his tea, and give the cup to me.
Me- Thanks the cop, take cup from my friend, transfer as much beer as possible into the cup, trash the remaining with the can and push off...

Coffee ke liye kuch bhi karega

2006-01-07T01:37:00.000-08:00

Since Nov 14th, I had my first "tumbler" of "filter kaapi" today. At about 100 bucks a cup, it was worth every damn paisa..! Or cent. Since coming to Sunnyvale, authentic tamil coffee is the one thing I couldn't find until today - when I went to Saravana Bhavan Sunnyvale.
My previous experiment with filter coffee here was in a hotel called Madras Sri Krishna Bhavan in Sunnyvale was quite disastrous - the ka-pee was atrocious. No colour, no taste, no smell. And it was NOT served in a tumbler. It was simply atrocious -a total let down. I took one sip, and trashed the rest.

This time, though, I went with high hopes- The setting was familiar. The familiar Saravanas logo, the familiar menu, differently dressed waiters who spoke familiar Tamil ( after starting with English, and hearing you speak Tamil), and very unfamiliar prices.

And to think, I started drinking coffee only in my 11th standard, largely due to the protective influence of my coffee-addict mom who didn't want her son to emulate her, but then gave up, to facilitate the greater goal of her son's academic excellence (by keeping him awake ;) )

Next time round, I swear I shall go onsite, armed with a packet of Padma coffee from Srirangam, if possible with a coffee filter as well - else I shall make do with a coffee maker ;)

Yet another Desi in America

2005-12-27T00:30:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since my last post. After coming to Sunnyvale on Nov 14th, I've pretty much been dragging myself to work, and back. Cos I've been weighed down by tons and tons of Documentation. My single biggest value ad here, has been .. cooking :)
To rattle off a few things that I've made with some success - Urlakizhangu, Vendekka, Sepakizhangu, Vendekka, Beet Root, Carrot, Cauliflower, Beans, Avarekka, "Payaru- i guess that's called sprouts" in english, mushroom, chana daal, rajma, moong dal, south indian paruppu kattu kind of daal, Takkali rasam andParupu kozhambu with kodamologa..
2 weeks of daily eating out, left me yearning for tam bram home food. Yes, Sunnyvale does have an overabundance of desi restaurants - komala vilas, udipi palace, spice hut, and so many others, but then, veetu saapadu madri varuma? So, in early December, I started cooking at home. I had my roomie as the guinea pig, and I must say, he isn't too worse for the experience.

Other than Documentation and cooking, I've been able to catch up with some old friends. Ramesh - an old friend from Trichy whom I know from my Talkcity days.. :), Paramesh - from school, Hari - a really close pal from school who I used to go to school and play street cricket with..

The countdown has begun. I'll be back in good old chennai on Feb 4th :) Idly vadai and filter kaapi beckon

This day last year..

2005-11-12T01:11:00.000-08:00

The Paris riots, took my thoughts down memory lane, to the exchange program I was on last year. And browsing through my photo archive, last time this year, I was in
Piaza San Marco - St. Marks Square in Venice.

The exchange program was awesome fun. Three months of total freaking out. And I can recollect some really crazy things that happenned, for instance.. It was our first weekend in Paris. Mahesh, our friendly neighbour in India house, offered to take us (Me, my roomie Sasikanth, and a couple of others) to Gare Du Nord, a desi area to buy "suppplies" (chow :D) It was early evening. We stopped at a signal. A few bikes had stopped. There was this commical "scooterette" which had a back rest kinda thing going straight behind from the end of the bike, over and above the head and joining a wind shield glass that rose up from the handle bar. A couple of hefty African American (or maybe Algerian) guys were walking down. Suddenly one of them picked the rider up, dumped him on the ground like a sack of potatoes, the other started the bike, the first guy jumped on, they jumped the signal and sped way. All in a matter of three seconds. The poor guy, got off took off his helmet and shook his head in disbelief..

And then time flew. Three months of freaking out backpacking Frankfurt, Amsterdam, Brussels, Bruges, Berlin, Copenhagen, Oslo, Stockholm, Helsinki, Venice, Rome, Barcelona,Hamburg

Learning to cook in India house in Paris, finding out Thomas Cook ripped me off by charging me a extremely high rate and then giving me TCs that couldnt be encashed for free in France, exploring a semi inhabited island called "Hovedoya" in Oslo where we found about INR 7k (worth Norwegian croners on the ground, and managing to return it to its owners as well - the couple in the photo below),
The 200 kroner couple

spending hours poring over Eurolines time tables to figure out optimal routes, only to find out mid route that the time tables aren't fully accurate, going on a "cruise" from stockholm to helsinki, hunting for vegetarian food in carnivorous Europe, making Rasam and Urlakizhangu karamedhu in india house with Vijay, getting drunk on too many vodkas and tequilas at the ESCP EAP "free" party thrown before the elections by some candidates (or was it a "political party"), free riding totally in academics.. those were the days :)

And this year, this time round, California beckons.

My brand is going places

2005-11-10T11:44:00.000-08:00

PUCCI rocks :) :)

"Balu auto consultant"

2005-10-31T21:52:00.000-08:00

No, this is not the title of the next b grade Tamil film with a rags to riches story where the impoverished dark looking hero woos a rich, spoilt, fair north Indian "settu ponnu". This, is what I saw, painted brightly on an Auto, in Chennai :)

Back to more dope on Pucci.. Uber Fahrttt......

2005-10-29T12:50:00.000-07:00

"...Long long ago, so long ago that nobody knows how long ago, there lived an uber-geek in Chennai. He used to sit in front of a box that shone with a wierd luminance and produced what he called "code". His life was a happy one, and he did not have many worries. One fine rainy day, an old man appeared in his dream and said that he must travel, see the world and learn some new tricks. So off went our nerd to a riverside town that was called Kol-ka-ta. He found what the old man from the dream was talking about there, and spent two short years in the midst of an unruly crowd of people and learnt words like globe, put-lake, CP, etc. When he came back to his hometown, nobody could recognize him anymore, he was no more a geek.. he'd transformed into a "suit". His old friends could only identify him by his lanky frame and love for filter kaapi...
Thus was born the legend of the pucci, the geek, the lean, mean, coding machine that metamorphosed into a geela duuuude..."

This horrible stuff is from HERE

The real story behind the legend of the Pucci can be found
HERE

Go, Get a ..

2005-10-29T12:45:00.000-07:00

Wonder, how this term originated.. Considering, making this, the logo for this blog :)

Business World writes about IIPM

2005-10-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

When the chickens come home...
The curious case of Arindam Chaudhuri, the Indian Institute of Planning & Management and Planman Consulting
Aditya Khanna & Aarti Kothari

Cast of characters
"Professor" Arindam Chaudhuri: A man who is incessantly advertised and promoted in the most hyperbolic terms by the organisations he runs. The publicity materials tout him as "a management guru", "a best selling author of management books" - notably Count Your Chicken Before They Hatch, an "iconoclastic film maker", creator of the "Theory i Management", an "economist by passion", a trainer of leaders, CEOs.... He is the dean, Centre for Economic Research and Advanced Studies, at the Indian Institute of Planning and Management (IIPM), a management training institute started by his father. Apart from that, he founded Planman Consulting and Planman Motion Pictures.

Rashmi Bansal: Indian Institute of Management-Ahmedabad alumna, founder-editor of JAM - Just Another Magazine, a monthly publication targeted at the youth. She is also a contributing editor to Businessworld and writes a blog called youthcurry.

Gaurav Sabnis: Indian Institute of Management-Lucknow alumnus and inveterate blogger.

Assorted bloggers: A few anonymous bloggers who purport to support IIPM and many others who jumped into the fray to defend Rashmi and Gaurav in the IIPM vs Rashmi Bansal and Gaurav Sabnis blog battle.

The case: The case: IIPM brings out huge advertisements touting ..

Read More HERE
~Free Regn Reqd.

What they dont teach you at the IIMs

2005-10-21T23:14:00.000-07:00

But, they probably teach you at the Indian Institute of plantain management..Banana jokes..ha ha..

What is green in the morning, yellow in the afternoon and brown in the evening?
*A banana.

After breaking up with her beau, Jangles Banana, why did Ali Banana get all mushy?
*Because she heard, 'Peelings, Nothing More Than Peelings,' on the Peelilah Radio Show.

What was the name of the greatest Banana Soccer player?
*Peele.

What's the difference between a ripe banana and a rotten banana?
*A few days

Where do monkey's hide their bananas?
*In their bananadanas.

Why'd the banana cross the road?
*It a peeled to him.

What'd the banana say to the ice cream?
*Wanna' split?

Source:
http://pages.prodigy.net/nsgrosky/_wsn/page3.html
http://www.stephenkramer.com/going_bananas.htm

More on IIPM

2005-10-20T02:37:00.000-07:00

A really fine piece of investigative journalism HERE
and HERE

And some really hilarious stuff HERE

iipm

Beta Nambari to Bapu Das Nambari...

2005-10-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

Can some one explain how this is possible?!
http://www.iipm.edu/iipm-history.html says
..”After resigning from Professorship at IIM Bangalore (Indian Institute of Management), Dr. M. K. Chaudhuri established the Institute in 1973. Dr. Chaudhuri, after having been a Professor at XLRI Jamshedpur, XIM Bhubaneshwar, and having been the founder director of management courses at IMT Ghaziabad, took over as Research Professor and founder Director. The first residential full-time Post-Graduate Diploma Programme commenced on 12th August 1974″

And according to http://www.imt.edu/
IMT Ghaziabad was founded IN 1980.
How pray, did Dr. Chaudhuri start IIPM AFTER being founder director of IMT!?

Read up on the Indian Institute Of PlantainManagementHERE

Some more questions have been raised
HERE
iipm

Guess who are consultants to McKinsey..!

2005-10-15T23:05:00.000-07:00

http://www.planmanconsulting.com/founder.html is the site, the screenshot is from, on 16 Oct,2005, 11:38 AM, IST.

"...It provides consulting solutions to leading corporate houses like G.E., Citibank, ICICI, Standard Chartered, HSBC, PWC, Hewitt Associates, Ernst & Young, McKinsey & Co., Amway, Ranbaxy, Electrolux, Sony, Samsung, PepsiCo, Coke, Hewlett Packard, Nestle etc... "

What say!?

iipm

IIPM - going bananas

2005-10-13T21:55:00.000-07:00

The year- 1973.
A dream - A little kid with long hair wants to go to "B school". He wakes up his dad in the middle of the night to find out what "b school" means.
A fart- daddy dearest lets one go.Lo and Behold - out comes an egg.
And another. This time it's a banana.

Kiddo takes the egg and sits on it for a month. Kiddo expects to get a chicken out of it. After one month of being sat on, the egg gives way and Kiddo ends up with egg on ass. He deludes himself that a chicken comes out, and writes an essay for his school magazine. He calls it "Eat your chicks, before they hatch"

In the meantime, Daddy uses the banana to start a Banana Farming school. He calls it the Indian Institute of Plantain Management (IIPM). Their mission is to teach people how to make bananas.

Kiddo's chicken grows up. Kiddo however doesn't. One fine day, the chicken is eaten up by the neighbourhood barber's dog. Kiddo develops a morbid fear of barbers. Kiddo takes an oath "I will not cut my hair henceforth".

Kiddo grows up into a pony tailed good for nothing teenager. Daddy sees a problem on hand - what to do with kiddo!?
Another dream - this time he dreams of the past- Of kiddo's dream to go to a b school, and "the movement". Ah.. the movement, that had resulted from the fart... The butterfly effect was indeed true. One small fart had resulted in a nationwide movement today. The Indian Institute of Plantain Management movement. He had set up banana farming schools across the length and the breadth of the country. Eureka! Now it all fell together. The "B school" of kiddo's dreams was a banana school.

Daddy enrols kiddo in the banana school. To provide kiddo with pocket money for his jaguar's fuel, daddy hikes fees and gives the additional $$ to kiddo.
Kiddo is not happy. Daddy gives kiddo a gold medal. Kiddo is not happy.
Daddy makes him dean. Kiddo is still not happy. Daddy thinks kiddo needs publicity. He thinks- what is my son's biggest achievement in life? Bingo! -The essay he wrote when in school. He frantically rummages through kiddo's closets. He retreives the essay from a grubby old magazine and types it up. He adds some management jargon for good measure, throws in a bunch of oft-repeated anecdotes, cooks up a theory while in the potty - and calls in "aai management" - (with due respect, to the crap that the theory owed its orgin too (note-daddy spent his childhood in chennai, and hence thought in Tamil)) and then gets "Eat your chicks before they hatch" published. 10000 copies are printed. Daddy buys all of them on day 1. Media reports talk of a new bestseller. Daddy splashes kiddo's pony tailed face all over the papers.
A new management guru is born overnight.

Like most Indian Guru's, kiddo gets greedy. He hikes the fees indiscriminately in the banana school. By now, conventional farming has taken a backseat. Most students want placements. Kiddo tries offering bananas, for some time, but they are not happy. So kiddo starts "Plantain Consulting" - "We drive clients bananas" is their punch line. He places students in this company. He also places some other students in a few
BPO's (Banana Processing Organizations). In the meantime, kiddo finds out, that the barber's son did his MBA from an IIM. It irks kiddo to no end. So what if he has a diploma in management. I have a gold medal from a banana school.Beat That.

And so, he starts a new ad campaign "Dare to think bananas" He launches a new course called "Global Onions and Turnip threat Analysis" where he takes students on a study tour to farms in italy and spain and even france - to discuss the threats from the global onions and turnips to banana farmers in India. After all, they all compete for the same $$s wrt to the global consumers.

He includes facts and figures in his ads - "Indian Institute of Plantain Management ranks ahead of 3 IIMs in Banana Industry interfacing".

Unfortunately, he goes a bit overboard. He cooks up facts and figures, and this is brought to the limelight by JAM MAG and some bloggers who link to the same - Gaurav
and Varna

Kiddo sends them a legal notice. He offers to give them a banana each, if they remove their offensive posts.

More details on this HERE

Disclaimer:

..Please read the fine print carefully. It is as fine, as the fine print, in the ads used by the indian institute of plantain management
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblances to any characters in real life, are coincidental!!

iipm

When Cornered, Confuse

2005-08-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

This punch line, which is one of my favourites- was something, that occured to me during one of my numerous timepass sessions with junta in IDLyfarm (my wing) in IIM Calcutta - but then, it's probably something that all of us have seen happening but havent really realized. Let me explain..

When, in doubt, Fart, and Fart long - that's a lesson learnt early in school, when teachers evaluate you not by the quality but the number of lines, of text you write. My brother, told me about the number of pages he wrote, for his state board economics paper. We used to have a Tamil teacher in school who supposedly scored answers based on "jaan kanakku" :)

If possible, Complicate
Jargon- One of the strongest pillars, that supports the IT industry, Consulting, Financial Services, .. is one of the best examples of this. Most industries have their own jargon. For instance -Engineers have their own jargon. There is a "file" which one encounters in most Engineering workshop courses, which is called "bastard file" - and my teacher took offense, when I chuckled, thinking about its origins. There are joints, called male and female - easily recognizable by their shapes and we weren't supposed to joke about that either.
Anyway, "If possible, complicate" probably has more to do with being confusing in general, rather than when cornered, but it is still relevant..

Check out this bit on Jargon- from the economist.com
"...Avoid, above all,the kind of jargon that tries either to dignify nonsense with seriousness (The appointee...should have a proven track record of operating at a senior level within a multi-site international business, preferably within a service- or brand-oriented environment , declared an advertisement for a financial controller for The Economist Group) or to obscure the truth (We shall not launch the ground offensive until we have attrited the Republican Guard to the point when they no longer have an effective offensive capacity —the Pentagon's way of saying that the allies would not fight on the ground until they had killed so many Iraqis that the others would not attack). What was meant by the Israeli defence ministry when it issued the following press release remains unclear: The United States and Israel now possess the capability to conduct real-time simulations with man in the loop for full-scale theatre missile defence architectures for the Middle East.."

Anyways, in b-school, you realize the importance of jargon - as a tool, by which you separate, the insiders from the outsiders. All elite communities have their own jargon - For instance -when you are in a company of IITians - you dont say that the food tastes bad. You say the food is arbit

When cornered, confuse
The less you know, and the more you have to talk about what you dont know, the brighter your chances of screwing up. So, the easy way out when you are posed with an uncomfortable question is to talk about something else. Wax eloquent about the same. Follow it up, with a did I answer your question? Most likely, you will not be challenged. If you are, well, you can always offer to take the discussion offline. And that should kill the thread. This is something, a lot of speakers do with polish. In some classes, I've been, I've seen this charade repeated often. One finance professor actually dictated a story (he called it a case) about an enterprising mango seller in Malda and his accounting pains. He also told us about a man who dropped dead while his wife was making a dosa.
There were a few more like him...

Call centre people have a variant of this. When cornered, repeat. I used to use reliance's r-connect facility to access the internet. For some reason- it refused to work for a week. I could get connected- and then no bytes were sent or received.
The customer care officer, insisted that the connection was fine, and that I get off the call, connect, try to access echh tee tee pee colon slash slash w w w dot google dot com count the number of bytes sent and received, and tell him the same -
I did this. They recorded my complaint. Nothing happened. After a few days, I called up to find out - they said the connection is fine. And asked me to repeat the entire process. This time, I gave up.

Pucci's two minute IIM-L interview

2005-08-18T11:20:00.000-07:00

Pucci's tryst with IIMs in 2003 had an inauspicious beginning. He walked into his IIM L interview room to face a hostile interview panel that recognized him, as that geek from last year
Panel>> Do you remember us?
Pucci>> NO
Panel>> We met last year
Pucci>> feigns (?) amnesia, shrugs and offers certificates
Panel>> NO ..NO.. we've seen them before.
Pucci>> I'd like to refresh your memory .. (or smthg to that effect)
Panel>> NO.. NO.. We Remember.. you havent really done anything earth shattering, since then have you?
Pucci>> .. thinks..
Panel>> Thank you..

I dont know what transpired in the previous year's interview- but certainly IIM L's loss was IIM C's gain.
Coming up next.. Pucci and Zuk

Pucci, Pucci...Who the Pucc is Pucci

2005-08-04T11:41:00.000-07:00

Pucci - spelt Poo- Chh-ee like Gucci is what you call an insect in Tamil.

It was my first day in Time in TNagar. Having managed to get out of office (CTS then) early, to attend GD PI classes in T Nagar, I found myself seated in the first GD of my life. The topic was something to do with the United Nations, and its performance or the lack of the same. As with most quiet people ( ;) ) I found myself unwilling to participate and was content with my seeming lack of content. And then I saw this creature -- a Lean, Mean stick-like creature with legs too long for his trousers, seated at the edge of his seat, aggressive look on his face talking animatedly. I tuned off. Something about this guy was just not right. And with every swing of the fan, he appeared to be getting closer to falling off his seat.
I have this (irritating to some) habit, of associating most people with animals/birds/non human thing-dings - I call that animal instinct and basically it consists of doing a mental morph of the person to do a match with mental morphs of non human thing-dings - will probably elaborate on it, some time later.
For reasons quite obvious (if you know him / have seen him walk the walk and talk the talk), this guy reminded me of an insect, at that point, I reckoned he was a praying mantis - and I decided I'd call him Pucci.
The name Pucci has caught on since then and has acquired decent brand value of its own - with the 39-41st Batchers at IIMC but then I think, I'll elaborate on that a tad later.

The GD ended, and I resolved to shift to the Adyar centre of Time, where I'd meet more of IIT M junta, who'd be more passive, less agrro and basically more of my sort.
And shift I did, and found myself with a PGDCM call in IIM C.

New Hostel, IIM C, June 2003

After an eventful first day when we were taken for a ride by the porters and station master at Howrah, Mayur and I settled down in our rooms, and then went over to the common room to check out the magazines. And there I saw Pucci. Quick memories of an irritating character flooded my brain - and I tuned off to him. Interestingly, that was Mayur's first perception of him as well, and we figured -this was some one, best avoided. At that point, Pucci decided to wax eloquent about the Virtues of Tam Food, Filter Coffee and Tamil and crib about his deprived state, which did not really go down that well with us - adding to the eccentric evil image, we already had of him.

And little did both of us know, that this character would go on, to become one of our best friends.

And so I've decided to write about Pucci - and the memorable incidents involving Pucci in Joka. There are a lot of them, and I'm sure that as I continue to write, I'll remember a lot more.

The Pucci Chronicles

Pucci's 2 minute IIM L interview
Pucci and the Heat source
Pucci and the Beat up yellow taxi
Pucci's jewelery shopping
One bug bugs another -Pucci and ISG
Pucci's rousing reception on a girl's birthday
Pucci's first dink
Pucci shivers in Pizza hut
Zuk and Pucci