Thursday, October 13, 2005

IIPM - going bananas






The year- 1973.
A dream - A little kid with long hair wants to go to "B school". He wakes up his dad in the middle of the night to find out what "b school" means.
A fart- daddy dearest lets one go.Lo and Behold - out comes an egg.
And another. This time it's a banana.

Kiddo takes the egg and sits on it for a month. Kiddo expects to get a chicken out of it. After one month of being sat on, the egg gives way and Kiddo ends up with egg on ass. He deludes himself that a chicken comes out, and writes an essay for his school magazine. He calls it "Eat your chicks, before they hatch"

In the meantime, Daddy uses the banana to start a Banana Farming school. He calls it the Indian Institute of Plantain Management (IIPM). Their mission is to teach people how to make bananas.

Kiddo's chicken grows up. Kiddo however doesn't. One fine day, the chicken is eaten up by the neighbourhood barber's dog. Kiddo develops a morbid fear of barbers. Kiddo takes an oath "I will not cut my hair henceforth".

Kiddo grows up into a pony tailed good for nothing teenager. Daddy sees a problem on hand - what to do with kiddo!?
Another dream - this time he dreams of the past- Of kiddo's dream to go to a b school, and "the movement". Ah.. the movement, that had resulted from the fart... The butterfly effect was indeed true. One small fart had resulted in a nationwide movement today. The Indian Institute of Plantain Management movement. He had set up banana farming schools across the length and the breadth of the country. Eureka! Now it all fell together. The "B school" of kiddo's dreams was a banana school.

Daddy enrols kiddo in the banana school. To provide kiddo with pocket money for his jaguar's fuel, daddy hikes fees and gives the additional $$ to kiddo.
Kiddo is not happy. Daddy gives kiddo a gold medal. Kiddo is not happy.
Daddy makes him dean. Kiddo is still not happy. Daddy thinks kiddo needs publicity. He thinks- what is my son's biggest achievement in life? Bingo! -The essay he wrote when in school. He frantically rummages through kiddo's closets. He retreives the essay from a grubby old magazine and types it up. He adds some management jargon for good measure, throws in a bunch of oft-repeated anecdotes, cooks up a theory while in the potty - and calls in "aai management" - (with due respect, to the crap that the theory owed its orgin too (note-daddy spent his childhood in chennai, and hence thought in Tamil)) and then gets "Eat your chicks before they hatch" published. 10000 copies are printed. Daddy buys all of them on day 1. Media reports talk of a new bestseller. Daddy splashes kiddo's pony tailed face all over the papers.
A new management guru is born overnight.

Like most Indian Guru's, kiddo gets greedy. He hikes the fees indiscriminately in the banana school. By now, conventional farming has taken a backseat. Most students want placements. Kiddo tries offering bananas, for some time, but they are not happy. So kiddo starts "Plantain Consulting" - "We drive clients bananas" is their punch line. He places students in this company. He also places some other students in a few
BPO's (Banana Processing Organizations). In the meantime, kiddo finds out, that the barber's son did his MBA from an IIM. It irks kiddo to no end. So what if he has a diploma in management. I have a gold medal from a banana school.Beat That.

And so, he starts a new ad campaign "Dare to think bananas" He launches a new course called "Global Onions and Turnip threat Analysis" where he takes students on a study tour to farms in italy and spain and even france - to discuss the threats from the global onions and turnips to banana farmers in India. After all, they all compete for the same $$s wrt to the global consumers.

He includes facts and figures in his ads - "Indian Institute of Plantain Management ranks ahead of 3 IIMs in Banana Industry interfacing".

Unfortunately, he goes a bit overboard. He cooks up facts and figures, and this is brought to the limelight by JAM MAG and some bloggers who link to the same - Gaurav
and Varna

Kiddo sends them a legal notice. He offers to give them a banana each, if they remove their offensive posts.

More details on this HERE


Disclaimer:


..Please read the fine print carefully. It is as fine, as the fine print, in the ads used by the indian institute of plantain management
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblances to any characters in real life, are coincidental!!


8 Comments:

Blogger raven said...

nice one :)

n 42510 is nice... n innovative ;)

10:24 PM  
Blogger 42510 said...

Thanks dude :)

10:19 AM  
Anonymous Aravind said...

nerdy, too good da. u r outdoing urself. truly going bananas!

4:07 AM  
Blogger Niket said...

I am totally going bananas over this. rotflmao

10:18 AM  
Blogger K said...

hila-fucking-rious!

2:29 AM  
Anonymous Shruthi said...

Cool :)
Great thinking, hilariously written:)

3:20 AM  
Blogger Sleepyface said...

hey damn good. i m gonna link this from my blog!

10:44 PM  
Blogger Sleepyface said...

ok. check this:
http://sleepyface.blogspot.com/2005/10/management-mantras.html

4:03 AM  

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