Dung De Basanti

photo from http://www.ellykellner.photosite.com/~photos/tn/2461_1024.ts1118955625532.jpg

Chota bug bada bug

Dullbert: Hey Ra-ra, wot's the scene on the current build? The QA folks were asking me if they'd be able to test the search functionality as planned on Monday.
Ra-ra: Shrugs, I don't think we want them to test this on Monday. In fact from a QA point of view, I don't think we should be making a QA drop.
Dullbert: (Quizzically) Why is that?
Ra-ra: (Sneers)Well, if we dont make a drop, then there is only one bug, there is no search functionality. But if we do make the drop, we're opening a pandora's box. All the bugs are going to come out and screw our happiness. Next week, we have a long weekend. Nice try only.

DBA- Dullbert The bored business analyst

"Anal"ysts in the IT industry are expected to generate a lot of Farts- For example pricing an engagement with no data whatsoever or generating case studies illustrating experience out of thin air. But they are not the only ones. Some times HR farts, and farts loud. When HR farts, the vibrations traverse deep down the organization.

Inspired by all the Farting, going on in the industry, I'm considering starting a toon series on this blog
* DBA - dullbert - the bored business analyst
* Gasbert- His flatulent boss
* Gassius - the evil Project manager who is full of hot air
* Flatula - Fart Detecting device. Every time some one Farts, it beeps and issues a Fart Alert. In meetings, the device automatically goes into Vibrator mode. This device is the property of Dullbert and is an endless source of amusement to him in otherwise extremely boring meetings.
* Fartbox- the office meeting room
* Aaron Wind - the BA who thinks he is a PM
* Ra Ra - The lady programmer from Andhra.
* Bean Bag - Every manager's source of energy. You sit in a bean bag, and your fart capacity is replenished.Needless to stay,the fartbox has plenty of bean bags.

A wise man just said "Behind every successful man, is a fat ass and lot of hot air"



Note: The original image is from http://www.pacult.com/imgs/fart/tychonia.jpg


Copyright 42510 2006

The revenge of the Call Centre Parrots

Calling call centres, I've found is not good for my health. Call centre employees seem to behave like trained parrots. Parrots trained by morons to say and do exactly the wrong things.
On multiple occasions, I've spoken to different call centre employees with exactly the same result- frustration.

Today I called Hutch customer care. I had a compaint number (yes!)- it's "139811076 ". I had raised a query a week back, and I was in a combative mood. I wanted to get a status update (sic)

Mr. X Hi this is (moron) from Hutch. How can I help you?
Me - Hi, I have a compaint number. Can I know the status please. The number is One thre..
Mr.X (interrupts)Sir, can I have your name please
Me. (sighs) Prasannaa, and my no is 98841 39957
Mr. X Mr. Prasannaa, Please confirm the number- nine double eight four one three double nine five sen
Me- yes. that's correct. and now my complaint number is...
Mr. X That wont be necessary sir. Please tell me what your problem is, and I can track it.
Me. (thinks- brilliant. trust a moron to find a way to touch his nose visiting his ass in the process).. This is a complaint made on Feb 26th - I was trying to do an sms recharge. I had subscribed for the same from the HDFC ATM. I got a pin. I got an sms that said to Recharge, I should type "RC HDFC AMT PIN" and send the SMS to 140. That I did dutifully. And I got a automated SMS saying " The message format is invalid. Please call 98860 98860 ". The said number is not a chennai number. Some moron hard coded a number there...

Mr. X - Can I please place you hold for a minute?
Me. In the meantime Recollects my exchange on the 26th.

**********************************************************************
...(similar painful exercise of customer verification)
... similar exercise of problem explanation
Mr. Y Sir - your SMS seems to be going to 1140. I think you've sent them to 1140 instead of 140. Can you please re-send. It will work.
Me. Okay thanks.
Mr. Y - (parrots) Thank you for calling Hutch. This is (Moron) here. Have a nice evening.
Me. Checks sms delivery receipt. It is from 140 not 1140.

...
...(similar painful exercise of customer verification)
... similar exercise of problem explanation to another officer
Mr. Y1 Sir - your SMS seems to be going to 1140. I think you've sent them to 1140 instead of 140. Can you please re-send. It will work.
Me. I just did that. I've sent it properly. Can you please check what's going on?
Mr. Y1 Sir- I am sure you have sent the SMS to 1140. Please resend.
Me. I have a delivery receipt from 140. I assure you, I am neither blind nor mad. Can you please take a compaint?!
Mr. Y1 - I'll take a complaint sir.
Me. And please give me the number as well!
Mr. Y1 - that wont be necessary.
Me. I insist. I would like to be able to track it, and not be required to explain the story to another person again.
Mr Y1- Grudingly gives me a number.
Mr. Y1 - (parrots) Thank you for calling Hutch. This is (Moron) here. Have a nice evening.
**********************************************************************

after 10 minutes

(moron) is back.
Mr X. Sir, there is no problem at our end. You need to go to the bank, register for sms recharge, and then..
Me. I've already done that, I've explained that in my complaint, I explained clearly what I did, and that, I got a pin code, a syntax, and if I send an sms it does not work.
Mr X. Sir, in that case you need to take a print out of your bank statement, and go to the hutch office.
Me. Exasperated - dude I'm not asking for a refund. I'm telling you the system does not work.
Mr X. Sir, there are 2 systems available, sms recharge and online recharge. (uses When cornered confuse)
Me. That is something I know. What I'm trying to say, is your systems dont work. Can you please take a complaint? Or re-open that one?
Mr X. Sir, that is a problem with the bank. I use citibank's service, I dont have any problem. You need to take this up with HDFC.
Me. this will make a nice blog entry.
Mr. X. - (parrots) Thank you ...
Me. Hangs up - I cant hear that bull shit again

More on call centre constipation to follow. Up next, my adventure with Airtel.